Alt.sex.column

No free lunch

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

Have you ever read Geek Love (Random House, 1983) by Katherine Dunn? It's a love it/hate it kind of thing that was very popular among a certain segment (now called "hipsters," I guess) and it begins, unforgettably, "When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets ... " Don't ask me why, but I'm having an apparently irresistible urge to call you, the readers, "my dreamlets" today. So:

My Dreamlets:

This is not good news, but neither is it as dismal as it might first appear. Read more »

Knock three times

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I am a happily married man (16 years). My wife and I's lives are pretty good. But I have a recurring fantasy about swapping with a couple who are our friends. We flirt and play around (no touching) but we have skinny-dipped, flashed our parts, etc. What I can't figure out is why I want to do more. Thinking about it turns me on a lot. I have spoken to my wife about it in a general way — but never mentioned it to our friends — and she typically just laughs. Read more »

What's a nice person to do?

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm a 36-year-old woman who's been married for nine years. Last year a routine annual exam led to several other tests that led to a diagnosis of early-stage cervical cancer. I had a hysterectomy and will most likely not need any other treatment.

I'm past the initial shock of this, but now there is something I'm wondering about. I have not been tested for human papillomavirus, but I am told that I have it since that's what caused the cervical cancer. Should I be contacting exes to notify them of this? Shou Read more »

Fork This

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

This is probably the only time the Alt Sex column will cover the same territory as my new venture, a nice, moderately wholesome blog about kiddie consumer culture (www.gogetyourjacket.com). Read more »

TWSS

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm confused. Are there any guys out there who aren't at the extremes as far as sex goes? My ex-boyfriend was completely obsessed. Not only did he want it four or more times a day, he'd want to have phone sex at least twice a day when we were apart. I think of myself as a pretty sexual person, but even I have my limits. (Plus, I think phone sex is boring. Read more »

Mother's Day don't

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

I recently received a press release saying,

Although moms appreciate flowers and breakfast-in-bed on their special day, this year Dad should try to spice things up and not be so predictable! Read more »

Take another letter

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Readers:

I've had a seemingly endless stream of these beginner S–M questions lately. So while I'm on break, I thought I'd run this one (originally printed 6/13/07), which could have been written in response to several of them. Carry on!

Love, Andrea

Dear Andrea:

I just saw Secretary yesterday, then read your column that mentions the same movie and similar sentiment ["Thwang," 5/30/07]. Read more »

Taking the lead

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I am a 21-year-old college student and am looking for boys about my age to have sex with. But whenever I approach one, I end the conversation with absolutely no idea if he is interested. The signals are so mixed, they cancel each other out. A lot of the time, a boy will avoid eye contact, keeping his arms folded and swallowing a lot, then ask if I'd like to get coffee sometime. If I do something extremely forward, like touch his arm and leer, it's like I pulled out a gun. Read more »

Let it go

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I broke up with my boyfriend when he moved to another city after a short but intense relationship. Since then, we've visited each other regularly and continued having a sexual relationship. I've been fancying/dating/shagging other people for basically the whole time. But now he's started expressing interest in another girl and I'm jealous, though I'm trying not to let him know.

I don't want to get back together. Read more »

Fleshpotstickers

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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

Greetings. At the tender age of 12, I discovered my father's porn collection and the joys of masturbation. At 14, I can remember inserting my parents' dildos up my anal cavity. Now I often will look at transsexual or bisexual pornography and enjoy it thoroughly until the point of ejaculation, but afterward I'm somewhat disgusted with myself. Read more »