Alt.sex.column

alt.sex.column: Resolved

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Dear Readers:

I'm pretty sure last year's New Year's resolution was to get a New Year's resolution column in on time. So that one's out, but there is still time for me, and, more important, you, to do a sex-and-love-life audit and figure out what's wanting and what you could do about it in the coming year. Here are some ideas.Read more »

alt.sex.column: Mismatch

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Dear Andrea:

My boyfriend has a fetish which, initially, is pretty off-putting. All the advice says to just go with it and make it part of our sex life, which I have done. But it doesn't really seem to help. He can tell it's not really my thing, so we hardly ever have sex now. He just doesn't seem to be into it if it isn't fetishy, and it's started to seem like work (to both of us) to try to include his special stuff.

I think he wants to be with someone who is really into it, but he says he loves me. What am I supposed to do now?

Love,

TryingRead more »

alt.sex.column: Wham bam

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Dear Andrea,

I'm almost 40 and a newlywed. I was a virgin! Unfortunately, sex has not been good for me. His heart races, he sweats. Me? Nothing. No pleasure, no excitement, nothing! I WANT SOME TOO!!! I tried talking to him and we have tried several positions, unfortunately, his favorite missionary position usually hurts. I tend to just give in and pretend I'm enjoying it. I'm hoping you can help or at least lead me to someone who can!

Love,

Desperate Not-A-Housewife

Dear Wife:Read more »

Understory

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Dear Andrea:

We've been trying to sex up our sex life (we have been married 10 years and yes, things can get a little boring) and among other things I went to Victoria's Secret and bought some not too slutty but certainly sexy underwear, and ... nothing. He just wanted to get them off so we could get down to business. Isn't this the kind of thing men are supposed to like? Now I feel kind of silly for wasting the money and time.

Love,

Not In The Mood

Dear Mood:Read more »

alt.sex.column: Don't care

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Dear Andrea:

I'm 41 and finally starting to wonder why sex has never been as big a deal for me as it seems to be for most people. Early on in a relationship it's pretty interesting, but that fades pretty fast (for me, not the guy) and then ... nothing. Am I dysfunctional? Or asexual? Is there a pill for this?

Love,

Dreary Doris

Dear Doris:

Sadly, no. I'm a big fan of the quick fix and if there were a pill I would be all over that sucker, but there is not.Read more »

Urethra, frankly

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andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I have always had an interest in inserting thin objects into my urethra, and now manage a large-diameter pencil. It really feels thrilling, and depending on the mood, I tend to orgasm. My question is: how much can the urethra in a woman stretch? I have also inserted the same into my cervix; are there dangers in either?

Love,

Intrepid Explorer

Dear Ex: Read more »

Ars longa

"Now I just fantasize about the kind of women I used to get."
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andrea@altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

I'm 43, good-looking, and reputedly sexy, funny, and easy to hang out with. I got laid almost daily in my 20s. But my last steady relationship was in 2007. My confidence is at an all-time low. I masturbate way too much to movies with Asian women and men who are hung to the floor, which makes me feel very small. I'm in a bad place right now and I don't see the point of approaching women since I won't be able to satisfy them like in the movies. Read more »

We are family

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Dear Andrea:

Is it OK to ask out my ex sister-in-law? I always thought she was hot. Now we are both divorced and I keep thinking, why not? Is there some reason I'm not thinking of why I shouldn't?

Love,

Free and 50

Dear Free:Read more »

My heart belongs to daddy

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andrea@mail.altsexcolumn.com

Dear Andrea:

OK, I get it about the hot moms, but what about dads? Does anyone ever talk about them? I remember when our son was younger and my husband would be out with him in the Baby Bjorn or stroller, he would tell me he got a lot more attention from women than he did otherwise. Some of that was really about the cute baby, but really, he was pretty sure those women were flirting with him. What was that about? He had a wedding ring and a kid!

Is there a thing about DILFs like there is about MILFs? Read more »