You will have to excuse the few weeks that your sexy events column has taken off -- our Day-Glo phalanges have been so atwitter over tonight's extraterrestial sexuality event that every thing else has just seemed... of this planet, shall we say. Check out my interview in this week's newspaper with Strange Attractors co-editor Suzie Silver, by the way, for talk of sensual delights outside the Earthly realm, including beings comprised mostly of scrotal tissue -- and head over to Center for Sex and Culture to see the video and performance lineup of UFO couplings that Silver has put together.
Still, the sex culture train rolls on. Here's so more hot-and-heavy happenings around the Bay this week:
"Ask a Ho: Question the Real Professionals"
Gonna go ahead and say that we'd be a lot healthier about sex as a society if we let the pros talk a little more loudly about the subject. Apparently Oakland sex shop Feelmore510 feels the same way -- Shannon Williams of the Sex Worker Outreach Project facilitates this Q&A journey into the lives of the pros. Bring your best queries, because you gotta think that these folks are gonna be a lot less squeamish about answering your questions about sex than say, Dr. Phil or your "cool" roommate.
Tue/14, 7-8:30pm, $5. Feelmore510, 1703 Telegraph, Oakl. www.feelmore510.com
Perverts Put Out spring fling
Unthaw, it's almost summer goddamn it. But the PPO crew is taking you through the rites of spring tonight, with dirty readings by the Guardian's own Sex-Positive Parent Airial Clark, Jen Cross, horehound stillpoint, Virgie Tovar, and more, hosted by the fingers-in-everything Dr. Carol Queen.
Sat/11, 8pm, $10-25. Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission, SF. www.sexandculture.org
"How To Create An Effective Online Profile – And How To Write Messages That Will Get Good Responses"
If you're anything like us, you spend more time scoping people's online ramblings and photo albums than you do IRL cruising. Lesson: you should probably shape up your online profiles if you want to get laid with minimal footwork, 'Net junkies. Today's workshop with M. Christian is a class on how to get sexy through words, pics, and clicks. Attend to learn how to be cute-not-creepy with your online come ons, and some Internet etiquette so you're not FLAMING when all your online paramour desires is sweet, soft pings.
Tue/14, 7-10pm, $20. Center for Sex and Culture, 1349 Mission, SF. www.sexandculture.org
"Spanking, Paddling & Pinching: An Introduction to the Sensual Side of Pain"
Does rough play get you all hot and bothered, but you're still hesitant to jump into BDSM without a little primer first? Good thing you live in San Francisco, because you're welcome to come down to Good Vibrations for this one-off class taught by kink expert Pepper on safety rules, safe places on the body to apply impact, and the psychological underpinnings of sexy pain.
Tue/14, 6:30-8:30pm, $20-25. Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk, SF. www.goodvibes.com