San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone announced today that he would wed his longtime lover, Lupe, a tennis pro at the Bay Club.
“It will be a simple ceremony, as befits two humble servants in the eyes of our Lord,” George Wesolek, spokesman for the Archdiocese of San Francisco, told us.
The marriage will take place in Connecticut, because same-sex nuptials are not at this point legal in California, Wesolek said. “Jesus casts a wide net, and we are happy to be able to include the Nutmeg State as part of our sister congregation -- not that we are really sisters, which might suggest some sort of incest, which would be a sin,” he noted.
Cordileone has been an outspoken foe of same-sex marriage and has repeatedly argued that sex should only occur as part of a procreative plan. But Wesolek said the Catholic Church, which once sold tickets to free souls from purgatory and collaborated with the Nazis in World War II, has a history of moral flexibility.
“Plus, Lupe has a really cute ass,” he said.
The couple plans to honeymoon in Argentina.