Party hearty, Snuggles: our throbbing list of Valentine's weekend shindigs just might update your status
SUPER EGO Love — can't we just stick it in a blender with some vodka and call it a nightlife? This year Presidents Day, Valentine's Day, and the International Bear Rendezvous all collide in a ginormous party-party mush. Which makes sense, since two bears back-to-back make an upside-down heart or Richard Nixon's face. For large, hairy, gay events hit the IBR site (www.bosf.org/bearrendezvous ). Below are more hearty affairs to flirt with.
"He hit me (and it felt like a kiss)"? A special hand-holding, goin' down to Love Town edition of the classic girl-group and Motown pop joint with DJs Sergio Iglesias and Matt Bonar.
Wed/10, 10 p.m., free. Edinburgh Castle, 950 Geary, SF. www.castlenews.com 
ARABS GONE WILD
"We think nothing says 'I love you' more than watching a group of Arab American comedians be funny," says joker Maysoon Zayid. She'll be joined by Dean Obeidallah and Aron Kader for some heartfelt halal hilarity.
Thu/11, 8 p.m., $20 (Also Fri/12, 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m.). Cobb's, 915 Columbus, SF. www.cobbscomedyclub.com 
NIGHTLIFE: ROMANCE AND REPRODUCTION
The diversity of life gets an amorous showcase at the Cal Academy's wildly popular club night, while the diversity of sound comes courtesy of DJ Jeff Stallings' Balearic, Bedouin, African and Latin beats.
Thu/11, 6 p.m.- 10 p.m., $10–$12. California Academy of Sciences, 55 Music Concourse Dr., SF. www.calacademy.org/nightlife 
Burlesque-wrestlemania to tear your heart out! Take it to the mat with Hector Garza, Chocolate Caliente, El Bombero, Lucy Fur, Lil Cholo, hula-hooper extraordinaire Karis, and also some chickens, apparently, as they ring the bell of amour.
Fri/12, 8 p.m.-11 p.m., $32.50. Fillmore, 1805 Geary, SF. www.livenation.com 
World's tallest DJ Stretch Armstrong has enough party-electro love to reach out from the late 2ks and embrace the fresh-faced crowds at this super-fashionable retro-fest. Will he drop some rave bombs? With Jeffrey Paradise and Richie Panic.
Sat/13, 9 p.m., $10 advance. 111 Minna, SF. www.111minnagallery.com 
BLACK VALENTINE MASQUERADE
You go, ghoul (ugh). Goth it up in style with demonic Aussie heart-breakbeats from DJ Nick Thayer and a blippy dub blitz from Flying Skulls. Dress like hot, masked death.
Sat/12, 10 p.m.-4 a.m., $10. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF. www.mighty119.com 
It may not be the most romantically named party for V-Day, but if you're looking for furry snugglebunnies, in the form of large gay men, then this gathering is one of your best bets. DJs Bob Mould and Richard Morel bring the alt-rock dance remixes.
Sat/13, 10 p.m., $15. Slim's 333 11th St., SF. www.blowoff.us 
BOOTIE VALENTINES PARTY
"We're going to scare our audience big-time with our most fucked up Valentines midnite mashup show ever," DJ D of the still-going-strong bootleg club tells me. Get ready! Cousin Winderlette performs and A+D and Freddy King of Pants get wicked on the decks.
Sat/13, 9 p.m., $12. DNA Lounge, 375 11th St., SF. www.bootiesf.com 
CLUB NEON UNDERWEAR PARTY
It's the sixth anniversary of this pants on the ground must, with nubile flesh amply and cheekily displayed to indie-rock and hip-hop tunes from Jamie Jams, Emdee, Lil' Melanie, and Aidan. Flash that bulging polka-dotted Ginch Gonch, brother.
Sat/13, 9 p.m., $10. The Knockout, 3223 Mission, SF. www.theknockoutsf.com 
COCKBLOCK: THE LOVE PARTY
Who doesn't want to feel the love of dozens of punkish young lezzies and bois with amazing hair, raising their cans to the heavy dance tunes of DJ Nuxx and Kidd Sysko
Sat/13, 10 p.m., $7. Rickshaw Stop, 155 Fell, SF. www.cockblocksf.com 
LE PERLE DEGLI SQUALLOR
Who needs love when you can have delicious anonymous queer encounters, which are also a form of love? A trickin' chicken, tonsil-ticklin', fanny-fondlin', disco rareties free-for-all, tenderly sprayed down from DJ Bus Station John.
Sat/13, 10 p.m., $5. Hot Spot, 1414 Market, SF.
MY BLOODY VALENTINE BINGO
Oh, those Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence — always getting pancake on my pants. It'll be a "zombie of a good time" when our patron saints preside over a horrifically lovely zombie-themed installment of their charitable bingo bonanza. Even the undead need love.
Sat/13, 4 p.m.–7 p.m., donations encouraged. Veteran's War Memorial, second floor, 401 Van Ness, SF. www.thesisters.org 
PARADISE LOVERS DISCO
Singles going steady on the dance floor, please, for this retro-disco and lovebug-boogie extravaganza. DJs from Gemini Disco, Beat Electric, Donuts, Honey Soundsystem, and Sweaterfunk get all underground and passionate. Cheap, too.
Sat/13, 9 p.m.–3 a.m., $5. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie, SF. www.mezzaninesf.com 
"A LOVELYFUCKING SUNDAY"
Why all the bitterness, when weekly bassbin funk-rap blowout Lowbrow has DJs Roost Uno, Smashy Trashy, Pony P, and Pozibelle on tap (and $2 brews). Plus, "photos by many drunk girls and most likely members of Ron Jeremy Fan Club." I have no idea, but I like it.
Sun/14, 9 p.m., free. Delirium, 3139 16th St., SF. www.lowsf.com 
HONEY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS
A Honey Sunday "leather discotheque Valentine's" from Honey Soundsystem that will whip your lonely ticker into a frenzy — probably a tipsy frenzy, if you take advantage of the $8 beer bust until 11 p.m., DJ Ken Vulsion, Pee Play, and Derek Bobus make it work.
Sun/14, 9 p.m., $3. Paradise Lounge, 1501 Folsom, SF. www.honeysoundsystem.com 
HUGS 'N HEARTS
Monthly three-ring kiki-athon Big Top is a circus, and its special V-Day party will be a zoo, with NYC homo-rapper Cazwell and club legend Amanda LePore (she sings!) in town to stir things up. Heklina hostesses.
Sun/14, 9 p.m., $10–$25. Club Eight, 1151 Folsom, SF. www.eightsf.com 
The fantastical creature who jumped from local club kid talent to legend of New York stage (Tony nom, anyone?) is back with a freakin' 10-piece orchestra to sing his favorite Carpenters' songs. Mellow gold, child.
Sun/14, 8:15, $25-$75. Castro Theatre, 419 Castro, SF. www.ticketweb.com 
Geez, will anybody ever love you if you look like heck warmed over? Of course they will, Adam Lambert. But why not hit up this huge, buzzy lingerie fashion fiesta, dance floor prance, and trunk show party to polish your lacy underthings resume.
Sun/14, 7 p.m.-1 a.m., $15/$20. Mighty, 119 Utah, SF. www.mighty119.com 
No one wants to date moody, but everyone shall dance to Moodymann, the second generation Detroit techno whiz and father of the current red-hot soul re-edits trend (although his Black Power message is getting a bit lost in the fray.) With Sunset and Stompy party DJs.
Sun/14, 3 p.m.-2 a.m., $15/$20. Café Cocomo, 650 Indiana, SF. www.stompy.com 
Rock out with your aorta out — it's cuddle-with-a-chainsaw time as the legendary rock club returns, leopard Spandex and all. Kiss tribute band Heroes takes stage, while DJs Omar, Jenny, China G., Howie Pyro and more give you a whole lotta love. Panama!
Sun/14, 10 p.m.-3 a.m., $10. Cat Club, 1190 Folsom, SF. www.sfcatclub.com