The incoherence of the American right

Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of many mouthpieces

According to the American Right, circa now, the following are truisms:

The bias in the liberal media is crippling the valiant patriot but to re-implement the Fairness Doctrine (where both sides would get equal time) stifles the same valiant patriot.

An undocumented immigrant must wait ten years and pay massive fines to become an American citizen or at least work here legally and that's nowhere near the imposition of a half hour background check.

Scientists on no industry's payroll that say man made climate change is real only do so for "reasons of political advantage" (that are never explained) while scientists that do not are always on the petroleum industry's payroll are work in "think tanks" funded by same.

In order for Jesus to return, Jews must occupy certain sections of Jerusalem and once they do, Christ (a Jew) will slaughter all but 144 of them. AKA "The Rapture", a biblical event that's not in the Bible.

Poor people caused the real estate crash of 2008. Without owning anything.

ACORN's fraudulent voter registration cost the GOP the White House in 2008 as well. ACORN registered 2 million voters over the course of its entire existence and Obama won by 9.7 million votes.

Sharing bicycles in New York, says one of their mouthpieces in the Wall Street Journal, is "totalitarianism" (because the bikes all look alike)(Bicycles really do set these people off, bike lanes in Colorado, according to the same Right is part of the UN-installed New World Order).

Solar power is more effective in Germany, because they get more sunlight. Never mind that Boston is hundreds of miles south of middle Germany as is Seattle, those two bastions of great sunny weather.

These came to me in 10 minutes. 

These are core beliefs of one of this country's two major political parties.

Nah, we're not fucked--really. 



The gays wanting to get marriage equality is all part of a decades long marxist plot to destroy the American family so that the Commies can take over the country.

Or that Obama is looking to take establish a totalitarian government for the communists (who also happen to be Jihadis) via "socialist medicine" by making you buy some private corporation's health insurance. need I remind you that the reason corporations moved the work to China was because of those god damn unions??

Or this Administration is allowing the slow takeover of the country by the United Nations by some sort of new standards in school curriculum.

But then again, how can we finally forget that the reason President Obama wants background checks at gun shows to avert crazy people from buying guns is because he is personally planning on kicking down your door at 2 in the morning with his jack booted thugs (probably the Black Panthers or Louis Farrakhan when he's having a bad hair day) to come kill white families.

Posted by Johnny Venom on Jun. 03, 2013 @ 7:40 pm

He basically says the same thing in every one and the cast of villains never really changes. So are these pieces designed to communicate anything fresh or interesting? Because they're neither. Or are these screeds designed to make people angry and encourage comments and thus drive up page views?

You can only say the same thing so many times and so many ways before it becomes stale. Attacking the "American right" in San Francisco is about as brave as being a member of the NRA in Texas.

Posted by Lucretia Snapples on Jun. 03, 2013 @ 8:05 pm

I'm a progressive/ socialist/ radical -- take your pick. But I tend to go my own way, especially when I come across drivel like this. It's obvious to anyone who lives in SF that the "American right" is just batshit crazy. So it appears that Johnny, who is an engaging writer for the most part, is just playing to the crowd. And the result is tired, unthought-provoking, journalism. It does nothing to challenge the reader or shake us out of our complaceny. It just reinforces it. And it's just a little too easy pandering to the tribalism of progressives who rally around Obama and the Dems, without ever calling them out on their shit. Ask yourself, are the Dems any less looney?

Just an aside to Johnny: Have you read the news lately? There's lots to write about. Take Obama administration's relentless persecution of Bradley Manning, as just one example. Or what about Obama's absurd rationalization for cracking down on whistleblowers in general? {Note: Obama has prosecuted more whistleblowers than any of his predecessors.} Or how about his twisted rationale for continuing drone strikes despite the loss of so many innocent lives? This was all over the news just last week. How did you miss that?

Not good enough for your ire? Well then, how about Eric Holder's mindboggling reasons for sicking the Justice Dept on the AP in an unprecedented case of interference with First Amendment free speech rights (which threatens good journalism everywhere)? Why don't you write about that? I guess it might hurt Eric Holder's feelings, or just his boss, and the folks who rally around Obama no matter what. Or could it be that you just want to send up more of what we already know about the insanity on the right. Or maybe you, like so many, have a major blind spot for the same absurdities when practiced by "progressive" Dems. So you only know how to deliver more of the same, "let's all congratulate ourselves 'cuz we're not half as dumb as those wing-nuts" style of feel-good journalism. Ay mi. You can do better, Johnny...a lot better.

Posted by Pissed-off Prog on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 11:36 am

Massive story across the nation but you would never know that reading the SFBG.

Posted by Guest on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 12:25 pm

Basically, what we have here is a troll calling out a BG journalist for appealing to the moderates by way of bashing a common enemy. Yes, it's an appeal to the tribalism of the group -- in this case, the moderates among progressives. So you're right, it's not daring or original, nor does it require deep thought. But it does sell papers. And any paper that cares about its long-term survival is wise to follow suit. The irony is that a self-styled "moderate" is calling out a BG writer for being...well, moderate. You see, it gives the trolls nothing to work with. Poor things, you're offering them nothing to get excited about to bash progressives with -- except ironically, for your moderate viewpoint, which is the status quo. Most disturbing, Johnny. If you recall, back in the day, at the height of your (SFBG) glory, you had your trolls practically foaming at the mouth. Now they hardly know what to do with themselves. Ah, those were the days, and yes, you can do better. ;-)

Posted by Sigmund Troll on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 12:46 pm

"Nah, we're not fucked--really."

Brilliant summary from Johnny Angel.

I so feel your analysis

Posted by Chris on Jun. 03, 2013 @ 8:26 pm

Reforming our health care with the Affordable Health Care Act was the greatest implementation of socialism to ever occur in the United States but treating uninsured people in emergency rooms at the highest possible cost and then billing taxpayers was preferable and not socialist.

Louie Gohmert, "the attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus".

You can't look at that picture of the guy and not realize that nature played a cruel trick. Some throwback pre-Lucy primordial soup era genetic material somehow found its way up the birth canal and latched onto the mama egg. The result is a relatively high functioning humanoid of some variety but only additional powerball-like lotto odds allowed for the birth in Texas where public office was possible.

Posted by Cybesq on Jun. 03, 2013 @ 9:19 pm

I don't know about weather patterns in Germany and all...

Due to such things as the jet stream, ocean currents, and other such scientific fooforall, various latitudes have different weather.

Posted by matlock on Jun. 03, 2013 @ 10:25 pm

Are you doubting that?

Posted by Guest on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 5:56 am

Don't let's freight Johnny and company with facts, guest. You'll only confuse them.

Posted by Chromefields on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 6:17 am

video's maker James O'Keefe, a reprobate who conjured up the situation which was depicted and edited the video to put the mistakes made by the low level ACORN personnel in the worst possible light.

ACORN had a long history of advocating for families of little means in both getting fair representation for them in government and reining in the predatory practices of housing lenders, etc.

Posted by lillipubicans on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 7:04 am

For which they were duly and rightly neutralized.

Obviously the beneficiaries of their fraud seek to downplay the corruption and deceit, so nobody blames you for attempting a cover-up.

Posted by Guest on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 7:16 am

Dozens of ACORN employees were convicted of voter fraud, driving the organization into bankruptcy. Good riddance. I know it hurts when your side is exposed as corrupt, but O'Keefe did the people a solid.

Posted by Chromefields on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 7:27 am

But what's new?

No, ACORN did not go bankrupt because of "voter fraud" -- of which there was never any credibly suggested let alone proven.

ACORN went bankrupt following a Repug disinformation campaign aimed precisely at economically crippling the vital institution. They went bankrupt because they lost their funding and private donor base due to the false cloud that was painted over them by liars like Chromefields.

Posted by lillipublicans on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 7:44 am

But feel free as well to google "acorn fraud" for reporting on the actual events. Not to worry, though, I'm sure this "vital institution" hasn't hidden out down in the sewer for too long. Like rats and roaches, they're hard to get rid of.

Posted by Chromefields on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 8:07 am

They're perfect just the way they are, and we're lucky to have them. The party of bad art and government dependency -- a triumph!

Posted by Chromefields on Jun. 04, 2013 @ 6:02 am

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