Scholarship fund for poor college reject

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The Bay Guardian Family Foundation has announced a special scholarship fundraising program to help Suzy Lee Weiss attend the college of her dreams.

Weiss, who slacked off four four years in High School watching The Real Housewives, revealed her plight in the Wall Street Journal, announcing that the elite schools of the US lied to her.

Colleges tell you, "Just be yourself." That is great advice, as long as yourself has nine extracurriculars, six leadership positions, three varsity sports, killer SAT scores and two moms. Then by all means, be yourself! If you work at a local pizza shop and are the slowest person on the cross-country team, consider taking your business elsewhere.

The remarkable young woman, who in the course of fewer than 700 words manages to be homophobic, racist, and mean to her parents, has a Wall Street Journal career waiting for her -- if she can just find a way to slide through a good college. Generations of American leaders have done it -- and all they had that she lacks is a famous family and money.

We can't fix her horrible family problems -- her lack of a Tiger Mom, her parents falling asleep before she got home from whatever killer parties she was going to why her peers were studying late in the library and practicing classical piano -- but somebody needs to give the kid some money.

Actually, there isn't a Guardian Family Foundation, now that I think of it. Anyone want to help?

Comments

How disillusioned with your job would you like us to believe that you are?

Keep it up.

Posted by anon on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 3:12 pm

slip payoff.

Who can blame him? Not me, that's for sure.

Posted by Guest on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 3:47 pm

dumb slackers are right wing.

Kinda funny, although being indoctrinated doesn't really take an overly high IQ, it might actually help.

Posted by matlock on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 4:18 pm

I  think I'm really funny. You want to hear some of my best jokes? I heard one on NPR the other day and the punch line is:

"There's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

That's all you need to know.

 

Posted by tim on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 4:20 pm

They are too busy blaming the anarchists.

Or maybe it was the other way around?

(the third line was the punch line in that joke in the 80's.)

Why did the hippie move to Eugene?

Because there are no jobs there.

Posted by matlock on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 4:46 pm

There were hardly any anarchists in the US in the 1980s.

Posted by marcos on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 5:05 pm

They used to crack us up at shows handing out their competing fliers, their love hate relationship with each other was a hoot. A Peoples liberation Front of Judea type operation. The RCP used to hang out at Pioneer Park where I caught the train, I would make small talk with the RCP folk and they would bemoan the lack of solidarity.

I don't know who came up with the joke, but everyone had the same experience with the two groups so it was funny.

Posted by matlock on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 5:51 pm
Posted by Guest on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 7:02 am

"Revolution in the 1980s? Go for it!"

The RCP pasted The Mission with a poster using this slogan back in the day.

I miss all the far-left infighting from that time.

The RCP and the Democratic Workers Party had a lovely feud going for several years.

Posted by Guest on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 5:57 am

they are supposed to be against.

The Judean Peoples' Front versus the Peoples' Front of Judea.

Posted by Guest on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 7:30 am

Mao, more than ever!

Posted by marcos on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 7:44 am

Put up signs on the Central freeway all the time saying "if this were housing you would be home by now"

Looking at Hayes Valley these days, not what they expected I suppose.

I knew a girl around 91 who was in the IWW, I said once I thought Eugene V Debs was cool, she said "who, I'm in the IWW not a democrat or republican." Like I was the uninformed one.

Posted by I've always wonders on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 4:35 pm

Or whatever it was called and read it on the bus to work.

Around the same area was the guys who sold Farrakhan papers.

I always wondered if they ever crossed paths.

RCP'er "Your UFO beliefs are crazy"

Farrakhanian "There sure are a lot of Jews selling your paper"

Posted by I've always wonders on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 4:42 pm

Also, one time I made fun of a local landlord and it went all the way to the Supreme Court:

 

http://law.justia.com/cases/california/caapp4th/17/655.html

Posted by tim on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 4:26 pm

Was there really no better use of your time, energy and, er, "talents"?

Posted by Guest on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 5:01 pm

"Bay Guardian Family Foundation"

The Guardian should have a family foundation. [rest of post has been censured]

Posted by Guest on Apr. 01, 2013 @ 9:36 pm

love it. what a brat.

Posted by Guest on Apr. 02, 2013 @ 12:11 pm