Dear SFW: HST is dead. And you're not him

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Note to SF Weekly (and the other Village Voice Media papers that are running the same story this week):

Hunter Thompson is dead. He shot himself in 2005, in Woody Creek, Colorado. His remains, per his wishes, were fired out of a cannon.

Many have tried to copy his style; all have failed, each effort more pathetic than the one before. You're failing, too. Give it up.