Look smart

Catch a fly hamburger at 21st Amendment Brewery

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le.chicken.farmer@gmail.com

CHEAP EATS Hedgehog's in the tub, watching one preseason baseball game on her cell and listening to another on her laptop. Which is nothing. By the end of the season last season she was streaming four games at a time, screaming at umpires in her sleep, and requesting hot dogs for breakfast.

This year, I don't know what she's going to do about the buns.

I do know (because she told me) that Jason Varitek has retired, Omar's still ticking, with Toronto, and Cespedes went to Oakland. Not to mention Manny Ramirez. I sure hope he succeeds here.

Seriously, there is no one in the tainted world of Major League Baseball I would like to see redeem himself more than Manny Ramirez. 'Cause I have his rookie card, yes, but also 'cause I like the A's now that Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill work for them.

Moneyball didn't win any Oscars, did it? Damn. You know, this was the first year in my life that I actually watched the damn show. And cared. Mostly about Brett McKenzie, but also, thanks to my baseball and movie lovin' lover, I saw all eight of the best picture nominees this year — up from my previous record of "part of one."

Speaking of gluten, we were at 21st Amendment and someone was buying us beer but Hedgehog couldn't drink it, so I had to. Extending which logic to and through the impending baseball season, I see me eating a lot of hot dog buns.

The beer, at least, was good. Of course, being a brewery, 21st Amendment brews its own. So there was that. We had managed, miraculously, to find a place to sit in the balcony. There was a party on — friends of Hedgehog's and friends of theirs. Meaning, with all due respect: geek geek geek geek geek.

At one point I risked losing my seat in order to go order us some food. I had to wedge and hammer my way through throngs of people standing in circles and all looking at their smart phones instead of each other. Or me.

"Excuse me," I kept saying.

And they kept not hearing me or seeing me.

Nothing inspires human cluelessness quite like a smart phone. Since I got mine, for example, I have forgotten how to get anywhere by car or read a book.

Nevertheless, food is a basic human need, as is a path to the bar. So I folded up a few of these diligent researchers, tucked them under my arm, and carried them down the stairs, across the restaurant proper, and to the curb — and I don't even think they noticed!

While I was down there, I tried to place our order with a waitress, but she said if I was sitting upstairs I had to order my order at the bar up there.

The bartender at the bar up there — he's my new hero. So cool. I guess all bartenders are cool, but this cat, entrenched in his tiny half-circle domain, was completely swamped by drink and food orders, bejangled by reaching arms and credit cards, and — as far as I could tell — never lost a bead of sweat over any of it.

So here's to him, whoever the hell he was and hopefully still is.

Against incredible odds, my new favorite bartender maintained complete control of every single person's order, and special requests, and change, and where they were sitting if they were lucky enough to have a seat. Like me.

I would have hated to have had to eat my burger standing up. It was a big and juicy one with grilled onions and jack cheese on the best bun ever. Sorry, Hedgehog.

I'm sure the chicken tacos without the tacos were pretty good too, but really, the burger was outstanding. With a salad. You can get fries or homemade kettle chips, too.

First Giants game we go to this season, I'm a make us stop at 21st Amendment before or after for a do-over of that burger.

What am I saying???

First Giants game we don't go to, that's the time for 21st Amendment. Middle of the fourth ...

21ST AMENDMENT

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